How to Get Out of Default Mode: 12 Ground Rules for Co-Creation

Before we jump in, it’s important to set the context for what I mean by conscious co-creation. To me, conscious co-creation means that you realize that you are part of something greater — a collective consciousness or energy exchange that we are ALL involved in. No exceptions. None of us really gets 100% how this thing works, but you probably have some awareness of it someof the time that what you think, do and believe affects everything and everyone.

Conscious co-creation is about taking responsibility for your power to create your life and this world. Because whether you like it or not, or whether you know it or not, you are powerful. It’s just the way it is. And with that power comes responsibility.

Caution: These Ground Rules are for those who actively desire to break through the old paradigms and have been feeling the breakdown of the old ways of doing things. Their work is changing, their friends are changing, what they use to like to do is changing, who they thought they were is changing. or how they want to play the game is changing.

This is for the change agents who know or at least sense that something BIG is up and that they want nothing more than to get their shit together and be a part of what’s coming next.

Ground Rule #1: Thank Your Triggers

The next time you get tripped up, freaked out, blindsided, or knocked down, try saying this: “I am not a victim. I have co-created this on behalf of my desire for liberation from this old pattern that is ready to be transformed. Bring it on.”

Ground Rule #2: Don’t Bypass Your Feelings

No more suppressing negative feelings, rationalizing or spiritual bypassing with It’s all good or I choose love or I don’t like to get angry. Your emotions are a key that unlock what’s blocking you. They are a doorway. Build your emotional intelligence: name the emotion, identify where you feel it in your body, notice all the threads this emotion is connected to, and breathe into it — make space for it. Take time with it like you are visiting an old friend instead of warding off an enemy.

Ground Rule #3: Stop Making Yourself Wrong

One word: over-responsibility. Somewhere along the line you may have learned (mostly unconsciously) that “it must be my fault” and we blame ourselves. Or, that in your earnest desire to learn and grow, you make it about where you fell short and you beat youself up. Or, perhaps you're afraid of becoming egotistical or worse — an asshole — because you've seen more than your share of that. As my dog’s trainer Pedro says to us when we do something stupid that just confuses our dog, “Don’t do that.”

Ground Rule #4: Open Your Heart


Know what it feels like when your heart is closed. Do you get depressed, start uber judging yourself or others, or feel easily annoyed? Do you feel cut-off from other like you’re somehow outside of the club? Are you overrun with the endless chatter of your mind? These are all cues to open your heart again. Breathe into the center of your chest like there’s a big nostril there. Ask yourself, “If I were to have compassion for myself or others in this situation, what would that feel like?”

Ground Rule #5: Ditch The Guilt

Ok, I know I said to feel your feelings. So feel it then drop it. Guilt is an unproductive emotion unless it is directly linked to a call to action in order to correct or rectify something we have done or said. Most of the time, guilt runs insidiously in the background with no call to action. It’s only goal is to keep you down.

Ground Rule #6: Centering Everyday is Non-Negotiable

Moving from default mode to consciously co-creating requires a regular practice of centering yourself. Think of it as anchoring inward and expanding upward. It doesn’t matter if you sit and notice your breath for 5 minutes before starting your day, or you sit quietly next to a tree over lunch, or write in your journal before bed. Make centering non-negotiable. Just commit and sit.

Ground Rule #7: Learn About Energetic Boundaries

You are surrounded by a field of energy called your “biofield.” This field naturally connects with and can even merge with other people’s biofield. Regularly “clean” your energy field by saying, “I clear and release any and all energy or emotions that are not mine.” You can also imagine a translucent mesh around you that allows love to flow in and out, but also provides a natural protective barrier that keeps out unwanted energy and/or emotions from others.

Ground Rule #8: Stay On Your Own Side of the Street

When you are having a conversation, discussion or even an argument, consciously keep your awareness inside your own energy field. As a sensitive, intuitive person, you may have a habit of “jumping over” to the other person’s energy field. It’s a skill you developed in order to connect (and perhaps to feel safe), but it’s time to uplevel that skill. It’s draining you. You can still connect without leaving yourself. Try it and see how it feels.

Ground Rule #9: Don’t Go It Alone


You need your people. Find them. Have trusted people you can talk to about the REAL stuff — how you are feeling, what’s working and not working, and who inspires you to grow and explore new ideas together. Ask for help when you’re feeling stuck — not just from other people but from whatever you feel supports you beyond the physical realm. And if that’s a big, “Huh?” then commit to finding out what that is for you. We need the spiritual “co” in co-creation to be real, not just a concept. Seek it.

Ground Rule #10: Desire

Your desires are there for a reason. Your desires are there for a reason. Yes, if you are not working with them consciously, they can overtake you. Or, maybe you suppress them because you’re afraid of them. Perhaps you’re afraid of being disappointed, or that you don’t have what it takes to fulfill those desires, so why bother? But your desire is actually a soul-power that opens the channel to your co-creative power. Become aware of what you want. Make a wish list of things or experiences that make your heart sing when you think about them. Then read the list every night before bed and FEEL as if they are already occurring. See what happens!

Ground Rule #11: Remember the Big Picture of What’s Happening Here

We are all feeling this huge disruption in the status quo. There is breakdown everywhere we look — in our financial systems, governments, education, healthcare as well as our personal lives of work, relationships, and money. Instead of resisting and trying to hang on to the old, familiar ways, consider the possibility that this breakdown is necessary for new, better ways to emerge. Like the caterpillar breaking down into a kind of “goo” in order to transform into a butterfly, breakdown leads to breakthrough.

Embrace the breakdown and get used to living in the unknown. And realize that your contribution, no matter how big or small, is an essential piece of the puzzle in co-creating a new reality beyond what we can currently imagine.

Ground Rule #12: Value The Invisible Work You Are Doing

If you are drawn to learning about conscious co-creation, then realize that you are a pioneer. You are forging new ground. And it’s not for the faint of heart. Every time you have the courage to face your self-doubt and take action anyway, you are paving the way for others to do the same. Every time you catch yourself thinking that self-badgering thought and you choose a more loving thought, you are uplifting worlds. Every time you dig deeper into dismantling your old patterns of fear and find water at the bottom of the well, you have opened a wellspring for all to drink from.

This is how co-creation works: nothing happens in isolation. Even though the world does not yet acknowledge this kind of work, know your value. It is priceless.

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